MOVIES THAT MAKE ME PEE MYSELF...

If you, like me, absolutely LOVE Halloween and the bounty of horror films it bestows us, well, then this has been a great week for you. But as I was sitting in my cave last night flipping between "Jeeper Creepers" and "Hellraiser," I thought to myself...why not create a list of the best horror flicks.
So today, care-of Alternative Mornings, I give you...
Bart's Top Nine Bed Wettingly Scary Movies:

LURCHING AND DROOLING IN AT No. 9...
THE MODERN ZOMBIE TALE...28 DAYS LATER
Now, I LOVE zombie movies and flesh eating flicks like Dawn, Day, or Night of the Living Dead could've gone here, but I went modern with 28 Days. The best part? THESE zombies can run.

SCRATCHING AND CLAWING ITS WAY TO NUMBER 8...NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET...
Remember when Freddy Krueger was scary?
Yeah, me too.

SINKING ITS FANGS INTO OUR NECKS AT NUMBER 7...SALEM'S LOT.
A buck-toothed lead vampire. Creepy, floating kids pawing at your window. And a star turn from "Starsky and Hutch's" David Soul. What's not to fear?

SNIPPING OUR FINGERS OFF WITH A PAIR OF PLIERS AT NUMBER 6?
SAW.
Inventive, and darker than the oil in my 1985 BMW, Saw is seriously effed up.
Which, of course, is why we love it.

GNAWING ON YOUR ENTRAIL AT NUMBER 5...EVIL DEAD 2.
Perhaps the only flick in cinema history that can make you throw up and laugh out loud in the span of 10 minutes. The most fun you can have while having the holy hell scared out of you.

CIRCLING OUR BLOODY STUMPS AT NUMBER 4...DUH-DUH....DUH-DUH...
YEP...JAWS...
When I was four years old I went to see this movie for my birthday. I didn't even make it through the opening credits before having to be carried out screaming by my mom. This movie didn't scare me...it SCARRED me.

FORCE FEEDING US LETHAL TINS OF SPAGHETTIOS AT NUMBER 3...SEVEN.
If you don't cringe and clinch your nether regions at the mere thought of the "Lust Murder," well, you need to seriously question the final resting place of your eternal soul.

JERKING AND TWITCHING OUT OF THE TELEVISION AT NUMBER 2?
sA TIE, ACTUALLY....THE RING AND THE ORIGINAL JAPANESE VERSION OF "THE GRUDGE"...
I'm not sure exactly when raven-haired, herky jerky asian girls became so terrifying, but I'm pretty sure it begins here. A little story: I was on assignment in LA and watched this for the first time on my in-room television. Alone. In the dark. About 15 minutes in, shortly after the first death...my phone rang. If you've seen this one before, you know why I watched the rest of the movie with every available light in my room turned on.

AND FINALLY...ON THIS HIGH HOLY HOLIDAY OF GHOULS AND GOBLINS...
THE MOST BET WETTINGLY TERRIFYING MOVIE OF ALL TIME...ACCORDING TO ME?
YOU KNOW THEM WELL....MICHAEL MEYERS...LORI STRODE...DR. LOOMIS...
THE MOVIE THAT SPAWNED THE MOST MEMORABLE NIGHTMARE OF MY CHILDHOOD..."HALLOWEEN."
The most successful indie movie of all time. And did you know that Michael's mask is just a William Shatner mask spray painted white? Or that, in the closing credits, Myers is billed only as The Shape?
Whatever. It's not important I guess. All that matters is the exquisite feeling of dread director John Carpenter created with this film. A slow moving, deliberate merchant of death. An ill-lit arena for the blood letting. A chilling backstory. And a soundtrack that, on its own, can still make me reach for the light switch.

MUSIC NEWS FOR TUESDAY, OCTOBER 31ST

Big day for alternative birthdays...
U2's Larry Mullen, Jr., is 45...
Smiths guitarist Johnny Marr is 44...
and King Ad-Rock (that's Adam Horovitz to his moms) of the Beastie Boys is 40...
Your music news for this Tuesday:
*U2 are set to release a concert film of their Vertigo Tour, and you might need a pair of 3D glasses to see it properly.
Director Mark Pellington, who handled the band's cross-dressing clip for "One," hopes to make history by staging a 3D performance of the band's movie that can be seen around the world. No release date or title yet, but U2 is said to be aiming for a mid 2007 release.
* QUEEN are returning to the studio to record their first new material in 15 years, according to a post on guitarist Brian May's website. No word on who might take over on vocals though.
* The Q Awards, honoring the best in British rock in the most over the top way imaginable, were held last night, with OASIS and U2 walking away the big winners.
OASIS was voted "Best Band in the World Today," while Noel Gallagher picked up a trophy for the "Classic Songwriting Award." The Edge got the nod for the "Innovation in Sound" award, and U2 won a one-time award for something called "The Band of Bands." Not sure what that means, but when a 10-pound silver statuette is involved, it must be a pretty big deal.
Other winners included:
GNARLS BARKLEY won best single for "Crazy," THE KILLERS were honored for their video for "When You Were Young," PETER GABRIEL snagged a Lifetime Achievement Award, and MUSE were tagged as the Best Live Act.

MUSIC NEWS YOU CAN USE FOR MONDAY, OCTOBER 30TH

THE KILLERS HAVE DEBUTED A NEW SUPER FANCY OFFICIAL FANCLUB WEBSITE...OVER AT THE-KILLERS-VICTIMS(DOT)COM...25 BUCKS GETS YOU A ONE YEAR MEMBERSHIP...A FANCLUB-ONLY T-SHIRT...A MEMBERS ONLY POKER CHIP...AND A WELCOME LETTER FROM THE BAND...
FAN CLUBBERS ALSO HAVE ACCESS TO TICKET PRESALES AND EXCLUSIVE CONTENT...
THAT'S ALL...OVER AT "THEKILLERSVICTIMS(DOT)COM"...

* WE'VE BEEN KEEPING YOU UP TO DATE ON THE PROGRESS OF KEANE FRONTMAN TOM CHAPLIN...
AS YOU KNOW...THE BAND WAS SIDETRACKED AND HAD TO CANCEL THEIR U.S. TOUR...WHEN CHAPLIN WENT TO REHAB...THEY'RE BACK OUT ON THE ROAD IN EUROPE NOW...
AND...DETAILS ARE EMERGING ON WHAT...EXACTLY...PUT CHAPLIN IN LOCK DOWN...
TURNS OUT IT WAS....
"PORT"
YEP. PORT. THAT SWEET AFTER-DINNER LIQUOR...
WE WON'T MAKE LIGHT...BUT WE'LL LET OASIS NOEL GALLAHGER DO IT FOR US...
UPON HEARING THE NEWS...THE ROCK STAR WITH VERBAL DIARHEA...CALLED CHAPLIN..."A POSH LIGHWEIGHT"...

* THE ROCK N' ROLL HALL OF FAME HAS ANNOUNCED ITS LIST OF 2006 NOMINEES...A LIST THAT INCLUDES...
VAN HALEN...THE RONETTES...CHIC...THE DAVE CLARK 5...PATTI SMITH...AND...THE MUCH BELOVED...R.E.M.

* AND FINALLY FOR YOU...NEWS THAT REAFFIRMS YOUR FAITH IN MANKIND...
KEVIN FEDERLINE...THE SUPPOSED RAPPER WITH THE FAMOUS WIFE...IS HAVING TO CANCEL TOUR DATES BECAUSE OF POOR TICKET SALES...
YEP. FIRST CLEVELAND 86'D K-FED...
AND NOW...NEW YORKERS ARE TURNING THEIR NOSE UP AT THE MISTER BABY-MAMA...
AS A FORMER NEW YORKER...I'M SO PROUD RIGHT NOW...

MUSIC NEWS YOU CAN USE FOR FRIDAY, OCTOBER 27TH

Apparently COURTNEY LOVE needs to pay for more plastic surgery...
Four songs from NIRVANA'S back catalogue will be used in a November episode of "CSI: Miami." The iconic song "Come As You Are" will be the lynchpin of the episode; three other songs, which have not yet been named, are tentatively set to fill out the episode, which will make the Nirvana tunes a strong thematic element....
Whatever...I guess you have to spice up bad television shows with good music sometimes...

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AUDIOSLAVE frontman CHRIS CORNELL was involved in a motorcycle accident yesterday...CORNELL was rear-ended by a truck in L.A.'s Studio City while riding his hog. He was catapulted 20 feet into the air and suffered severe cuts and bruises...but was able to walk away from the accident...
Somewhere, I wonder if Kim Thayill is snickering to himself between bong rips.

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The CURE have a new concert DVD in the works. It's called, simply, "Festival 2005," and it spotlights the groups nine-date tour throughout European festivals last year. It's gonna contain 30 tracks, plus footage shot by fans, crew members, and the group themselves.

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And....New York rock quintet the BRAVERY announced it will release its second album, "The Sun and the Moon," early next year via Island.
I suppose there's somebody out there who cares...

FINALLY TODAY...
Some of you have probably heard about this thing VH1 is doing on Monday, counting down the top songs of the 1980s. Well, I'm here to save you some time and simply cut to the chase. The top 5 songs of the 1980s as voted by VH1 viewers:
5. "When Doves Cry" – Prince
4. "Billie Jean" – Michael Jackson
3. "Hungry Like The Wolf" – Duran Duran
2. "Pour Some Sugar On Me" – Def Leppard
And you number one song of the 1980s???
Drum roll, please....
"Livin' On A Prayer" – Bon Jovi
A helluva karaoke song, to be sure...but the best song of my formative years?
Well, the masses have spoken.

MUSIC NEWS YOU CAN USE FOR THURSDAY, OCTOBER 26TH

Your birthdays for today...
The lovely lady of the 10,000 MANIACS, NATALIE MERCHANT, turns 43...
And, women of the world rejoice: DURAN DURAN'S SIMON LEBON turns 48.

Oh, and it was back on this very day in 1992 that PEARL JAM set a new record for first week sales when their second album, VS., sold 950,000 copies. I can still remember buying my copy in Searcy, Arkansas, of all places.

Your music news for this Thursday...
* The FOO FIGHTERS have announced a release date for the live album and DVD documenting their recent acoustic tour. It's called "Skin and Bones" and will be out November 28th.

* The sound engineer and lighting director for the RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS are literally offering up the shirts off their backs...for advertising, that is. The duo have posted the ad space on their shirts on Ebay, and they'll wear it during every stop of the CHILI PEPPERS U.S. tour. The current bid is $173.00.

* PEARL JAM'S EDDIE VEDDER will appear tonight on the new Sundance Channel interview program, "Iconoclasts." VEDDER, whose love for surfing is well documented, will interview legendary surfer Laird Hamilton. That all gets started at 9 p.m.

* And finally...
Some guy who bags groceries for a living down in Medford, Oregon, is suing GREEN DAY. Yep, Paul McPike claims it was he, not Billie Joe, who penned the lyrics and created the melodies for Green Day's "American Idiot." McPike says he wrote the songs back in 1992 when he was in high school, and that a friend must've recorded him performing it at home...and that Green Day somehow got ahold of the tape.
Uhm...attention shoppers: We need a BS cleanup in aisle 12.

PAVEMENT VS. SPACE GHOST

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In anticipation of the upcoming re-release of Pavement's "Wowee Zowee", I give you t his clip of Malkmus and boys ripping up the galaxy on Space Ghost.

FOR THE HECK OF IT...

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Hey, who doesn't love twisted, slightly perverted cartoons...?

U2 vs. GREEN DAY..."THE SAINTS ARE COMING"

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It's hair plugs vs. eyeliner in a vicious fight to the death...

TIM BURTON VS. THE KILLERS..."BONES"

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If you liked "Jason and the Argonauts," you're gonna love this video.

NEW PIXIES?

According to the NME...

Pixies are set to begin work on their first studio album in 15 years.

Singer Frank Black has confirmed the band will start work in January on their first record since 1991's 'Trompe Le Monde'.

Speaking about the album, Black explained that the band still have a lot of work to do before an album appears.

"We're rehearsing in January, if we can persuade Kim (Deal, bassist) to come out of her house," he told NME.COM. "We offered to go to her but we figured if we book the rehearsals she'll show up.

"Since we got back together we've played almost everywhere we can. I know we like playing and everyone likes touring together, so to keep doing that and not record anything is kind of like being a county fair band. We don't want to do that, so the only thing we can do is become a vital band again. So it's just a matter of doing it, I guess."

MUSIC NEWS YOU CAN USE FOR TUESDAY, OCTOBER 24

All you ladies out there, I have some bad news this morning about DURAN DURAN.
Brace yourselves...a certain Mr. Taylor has left the band.
Of course, it's n ot the good looking Taylor. Duran Duran guitarist ANDY TAYLOR has left Duran Duran. Again. Citing the infamous "creative differences," Taylor says he was unhappy with the decision to pursue a collaboration with hip-hop producer TIMBALAND and scrap an albums worth of recorded material that was a return to their New Romantic roots...

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THOM YORKE has picked his favourite-ever RADIOHEAD song.
Speaking to the UK's 'Culture Show' last night, Yorke was asked what single moment he would most like to be remembered for.
His response was 'How To Disappear Completely' from the band's 'Kid A' album. Explaining why, he simply said, "because it's the most beautiful thing we ever did, I think".
On the other hand, users over at music site NME.com voted the song, "Just," from The Bends as the best-ever Radiohead tracker earlier this year.

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Finally on this Tuesday, all those Orwellian fears about "Big Brother," we keep hearing about? Complete bull...turns out it's LITTLE BROTHER we should be worrying about.
In an effort to combat illegal downloading, the New York Times reports that American Boy Scouts are now being encouraged to earn a "Dangers of Copyright Violation" activity patch. Yep, enough of this learning to build fires and tie knots, in exchange for learning about the risks with downloading pirated movies and music, scouts will receive a patch showing a film reel...a CD...and a copyright symbol.
So, there you go...as if Boy Scouts didn't already have a hard enough time NOT getting beat up at school, now they're stoolies for the Recording Industry of America.

MEET ALABAMA'S NEXT GOVERNOR

She's running on the Double-D platform...
www.cafepress.com/nallforgovernor

MUSIC NEWS YOU CAN USE FOR MONDAY, OCTOBER 23

"DISILLUSIONMENT" IS THE WORD FOR THE DAY...
FIRST UP...THE SMASHING PUMPKINS...
NOW, AS YOU KNOW, BILLY CORGAN HAS REASSEMBLED MOST OF THE PUMPKINS AND HAS THEM IN THE STUDIO RECORDING A NEW ALBUM. AND NOW DRUMMER JIMMY CHAMBERLIN IS TALKING ABOUT THE PROCESS...
HE SAYS IT'S...(AND PREPARE YOURSELVES FOR AN AVALANCHE OF HYPERBOLE)"MUSIC THAT COMES FROM A PLACE SO PURE, IT WILL BURN THE LIES OFF THE VERY SOULS OF THOSE WHO TRY TO DISCOUNT IT."
AND YES...CHAMBERLIN DOESN'T STOP THERE..."WE HAVE ARRIVED AT A PLACE IN OUR LIVES WHERE TRUTH AND HONESTY PREVAIL."
HERE'S THE DEAL JIMMY, WE DON'T REALLY CARE WHERE YOU'RE CREATING FROM. JUST AS LONG AS THE NEW ALBUM ISN'T AS BAD AS "MACHINA/THE MACHINES OF GOD"...

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OH, AND SPEAKING OF DISILLUSIONMENT, FAMED SONGSMITH LINDA PERRY (YEAH...YOU KNOW THE LADY WHO WROTE "WHAT'S GOING ON?")IS HELPING COURTNEY LOVE PRODUCE HER NEXT ALBUM. AND IF YOU WANNA KNOW JUST HOW OUT OF TOUCH SHE IS, WELL, GET THIS. SAYS PERRY..."Courtney Love's name should be right next to Bob Dylan when they say best lyricist of all time."
I'VE GOT TOO MUCH BILE IN MY MOUTH TO COME UP WITH A PROPER PUNCHLINE.

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ONE ARTISTS WHO MIGHT ACTUALLY "DESERVE" AN INFLATED SENSE OF SELF IS BRITT DANIEL. THE SPOON FRONTMAN IS NOT ONLY FEATURED PROMIENENTLY ON THE SOUNDTRACK TO THE UPCOMING WILL FARRELL MOVIE, "STRANGER THAN FICTION," BUT HE SAYS HIS BAND IS HALFWAY FINISHED WITH THEIR NEXT ALBUM. THE RECENT PORTLAND TRANSPLANT SAYS SPOON IS EYEING AN APRIL OR MAY RELEASE FOR THE FOLLOW-UP TO "GIMME FICTION"...

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AND FINALLY...
DID YOU REMEMBER WHO'S BIRTHDAY IT IS TODAY? WELL, HERE'S A HINT: HE'S TINY, HE'S BLACK, AND IF YOU TOUCH HIS BUTTONS JUST THE RIGHT WAY...HE'LL MAKE YOU SMILE...
NOPE. NOT GARY COLEMAN. NOT LITTLE WEBSTER.
I'M TALKING, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, ABOUT YOUR IPOD.
THE TINY GADGET TURNS FIVE TODAY, AND IF YOU'RE LIKE ME, THE JOY THIS TINY LITTLE OBJECT HAS BROUGHT TO YOUR LIFE IS IMMEASURABLE. FROM MAKING WORKOUTS MORE SUFFERABLE, TO DROWNING OUT OBNOXIOUS PEOPLE ON CELL PHONES DURING YOUR COMMUTE,
MY IPOD IS MY FRIEND, MY PARTNER IN CRIME...AND MY SECRET CONFIDANATE...
I MEAN, WHO ELSE KNOWS I REALLY REALLY LIKE "CAPTAIN AND TENILLE"...

EVERY TREEHOUSE OF HORROR...RIGHT HERE...

Just in time for Halloween...every single Treehouse of Horror.
mmmmmmmmmm....sacrilicious.
http://chowdaheads.blogspot.com/2006/10/simpsons-treehouse-of-horror-i-xvi.html

NOT TO TOOT MY OWN HORN...

...but here's the cover story I wrote for Details on Lance Armstrong. There's evena a photo of yours truly in there. It should be hitting newstands pretty soon. Run out and grab a copy. Fun for the whole family.
http://men.style.com/details/features/landing?id=content_5051

MUSIC NEWS FOR THURSDAY, OCTOBER 19TH

* On this day back in 1980, AC/DC played their first show after the death of lead singer Bon Scott...
* And it was in 1991 that OASIS played the Boardwalk in Manchester, England. Why is that significant? Well, it was the band's first gig with a new guitarist by the name of...Noel Gallagher.
Your news for this Thursday...
* Imagine these words for a second: "RADIOHEAD will never tour again."
Pretty scary stuff, right? But it's a possibility...sort of. Frontman Thom Yorke has been venting his frustration over the amount of Earth hurting toxins his band kicks out during a typical world tour, and he says it's forcing him to reconsider the whole idea of Radiohead hitting the road again anytime soon.
But before you accuse old Thom of being a stick in the mud, he's quick to make fun of himself for being so difficult.
"It's daft," Yorke says. "When you discuss it you feel like a prat because you're saying I'm not happy with that I want to do it another way.
"I'm actually trying to figure out a way of getting to Japan by train. I quite fancy the Trans-Siberian whatitsname...but apparently, it's a bit scary."
C'mon Thom. Hop a llama. Ride a dolphin. Hijack a blimp. Just get back on the road...the world news Radiohead.
* Finally today...sure, it's not quite music news, but hey, it's a slow day.
The Fifth Annual Portland International Short Short Film Festival (yes, that's PISS Fest for short) kicks off tonight over at the Hollywood Theatre. 50 films, all 10 minutes or less. It's the musical equivalent of a Guided by Voices album...which means, of course, it's awesome.

MONK E-MAIL

Monkeys are ALWAYS funny. Always. So what better way to incorporate a little funny into your otherwise mundane emails than to add a little hilarious primate. Here's the link. Thank me later.
www.careerbuilder.com/monk-e-mail

GLOCK PARTY

While we generally eschew hunting here at the blog, we do wholeheartedly endorse blowing the holy hell out of things. Which is why we support Portland's finest gun-toting establishment...The Place To Shoot.

MUSIC NEWS YOU CAN USE FOR OCTOBER 18TH

PEARL JAM is helping U2 close out the final date of their Vertigo Tour. The two bands (who toured together back in the Zoo TV days), will tear up the island on December 9th in Honolulu.
And, believe it or not, you could be there.
U2 is giving away an all-expense paid trip to Hawaii to see the show, so they've created a "Hunt for the Lyric" contest, an Internet scavenger hunt where fans will follow clues through various websites, tracking down Bono's lyrics and piecing them together for the winning answer.
For more info on that, go to www.U2.com.

* THE GORILLAZ are going to be busy this fall. The animated freaks are releasing four fully-decked out EPs on iTunes, starting next Tuesday with the release of the "Dare" EP. There's also a DVD of live performances and videos coming out on October 1st, and as if all that wasn't good enough...the Gorillaz will also release a book, "The Rise of the Ogres," which comes out November 2nd.

* Speaking of DVDs, you close metal heads might like to know that Metallica will unleash its entire catalog of videos on December 5th. No title yet, but I'm sure it'll be something really angry.

*And finally, it seems normally sedate WILCO frontman JEFF TWEEDY took crowd control into his own hands at a concert in Springfield, Missouri, on Monday night. After warning a few drunk fans early in the show about trying to get on stage, Tweedy just couldn't take it anymore. When one more drunk jumped on stage and tried to hug the bearded bard, Tweedy...well...Tweedy just decked the guy. And returned to playing his song.

So it's official...Jeff Tweedy isn't "trying to break your heart"...he's trying to break your face.

THE KILLERS LIKE THEIR BOOZE

The Smoking Gun has posted the booze demands for The Killers latest tour. Seems the boys pick their liquor depending on what day of the week it is.

"...the Las Vegas rockers order their dressing room booze on a strict daily schedule, according to their 2006 tour rider, a copy of which you'll find below. For example, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday are reserved for Maker's Mark whiskey and Absolut vodka. And Sunday is exclusively the province of tequila and Jameson Irish Whiskey. Well, maybe not exclusively considering the standard 96 beers, 24 cans of cider, and two bottles of red wine the band has waiting for them backstage prior to every concert..."

What does that mean...no hootch on Tuesday and Thursday?

MY BOY...TWEEDY

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Here's a little teaser of the upcoming JEFF TWEEDY solo DVD. Here, he performs an unreleased WILCO track, "The Thanks I Get"...

MUSIC NEWS YOU CAN USE FOR OCTOBER 12

Your big birthday for this Thursday...Bob Mould, the man behind both Husker Du and Sugar, is 46...

And on this day in 1978 in New York City...Sex Pistols' f-up Sid Vicious called police to say that someone had stabbed his girlfriend Nancy Spungen. Vicious was arrested and charged with murder and placed in the detox unit of a New York prison.

*Bad news for STORM LARGE fans. According to a website called TMZ, she's been booted from her opening slot on the upcoming SUPERNOVA tour, due to financial reasons. Never fear though. We hear there's a reality show in the works. Seriously.

* THE RACONTEURS are releasing official bootlegs for each show on their upcoming tour. Unfortunately, all of those dates are in the UK. Jack White and the Boys return to the States in November for an East Coast swing.

* DAVID BOWIE will lend his voice to an upcoming episode of "Spongebob Squarepants." He'll portray a character called, Lord Royal Highness.

* THE STOOGES, who've influenced everyone from the WHITE STRIPES to THE STROKES, are recording a new album...their first in 33 years. The lineup will feature original members Ron and Scott Asheton and, of course, the one and only IGGY POP. One cool note...former member of THE MINUTEMEN and FIREHOSE, MIKE WATT, will take over on bass.

* And finally, PEARL JAM affectionados take note...Eddie, Stone, Mike, Jeff, and Matt are getting the glossy picture book treatment. Fame Seattle photographer Lance Mercer, whose photos pretty much documented the city's infamous "Grunge Years," is putting together the collector's item. It's called, simply, "5x1: Pearl Jam Through the Eyes of Lance Mercer" and it will focus on the first half of the band's career. You can order it now through their website...www.pearljam.com.

JET CRASHES AND BURNS...

If you're a fan of a certain "indier than thou" website, you know that the new Jet album, "Shine On," has been greeted with a the ultimate indignity: a review that, rather than cobble together some desparaging snobbery to illustrate its dislike, simply linked to a video of a monkey drinking its own pee.
I'm not sure what the underlying socio-political statement is there, but I'm not that succinct.
Yes, the new Jet album is bad. And I'm not gonna rely on a urinating primate to get my point across.
Attention Jet...yelling a throat shredding "YEAH!" or "BABY!" and copping a riff from the Angus Young songbook does NOT a hook make. That worked on your first album, but not so much here.
If you've heard "Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is," well, you've pretty much heard the new album. The other 14 songs are similiarly assembled Xerox's, some faster, some slower, ALL lacking any compelling reason not to toss the CD out of the player and put on "Back in Black."
The only musical leap forward Jet makes on "Shine On" is an ability to ape somebody besides fellow-Aussies AC/DC. This time around they seem to have listened to a lot of Oasis. And not the good album either. Considering how blatantly THAT band wears its influences on its sleeve, that's not necessarily some kind of "Revolver"-type musical stretch.
Hell, Jet makes Oasis look avant garde by comparison. Because while Noel Gallagher is able to inject his ripped off riffage with enough attitude and jingle-jangle bombast to give Oasis a sense of ownership, you can't help but hear a Jet song and automatically want to go listen to its more muscular, more interesting, and flat out better forefather.
And yes, I realize that last week I gave a pass to the Killers for playing around in the epic sounding tire tracks of Springsteen...but at least the Killers were trying to evolve their sound and outgrow their glitter pop Huggies.
On "Shine On" Jet just sounds lazy. And uninspired Mad Lib of lifted guitar licks, tired lyrical cliches, and second-album seriousness.
As I was driving to Seattle last weekend with a friend, "Jailbreak" came on on the radio. After sufficiently bashing away on the dashboard, we gather ourselves and marveled at the fact that a brilliant band like AC/DC had made a career out of basically recording the same song over and over again. Seriously...every song is about sex, drinking, or bragging about what bad asses they are. That's it. And yet, every single one makes you want to run through a wall like the Kool-Aid man.
Jet goes for that same succinct brilliance on "Shine On" and misses. Badly.
To butcher that famous line Lloyd Bentsen used in his 1998 Vice Presidential debate with Dan Quayle..."I know AC/DC. AC/DC is a friend of mine. And you, Jet, are no AC/DC."

MUSIC NEWS YOU CAN USE FOR OCTOBER 11

THE KILLERS new album, "Sam's Town," has debuted at Number 2 on the Billboard charts with 315,000 copies sold. Good news for the Vegas boys who played a sold out show at the Roseland last night...especially since their last album, "Hot Fuss," only made it as high as Number 7...
Number one on this week's chart? EVANESSENCE...for some reason.
Also of note, BECK came in at Number seven, JET finished at Number 16, and most importantly, Portland's own THE DECEMBERISTS debuted at Number 35 with 26,000 copies of "The Crane Wife" sold.

* Justin Hawkins of spandex rockers, THE DARKNESS, has quit the band, citing his nearly $2,000 a day cocaine habit, and his need to stay clean...

* The underrated and overlooked CROWDED HOUSE will the get the deluxe packaging treatment this January with a 2-disc, 2-DVD set celebrating the 10th anniversary of theri 1996 farewell show in Sydney.

* And good news for KEANE fans...After a brief stint in rehab, lead singer Tom Chapman is close to rejoining the band and getting back on the road. Keane will perform "Is It Any Wonder" on the upcoming MTV Europe Music Awards...

THIS man had sex with Ashley Judd...

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Michael Bolton forgets the words to the Star Spangled Banner. I think the Rogaine finally did him in...

MUSIC NEWS YOU CAN USE FOR OCTOBER 10

Today's Birthdays?
Well, there's really only one that matters...and that's just the way he's want it. Born on this day back in 1955 in Bloomington, Indiana, the man who made spandex and Aqua Net safe for the masses, "DIAMOND" DAVID LEE ROTH, is 51.
On this day in 1970...
None more black...BLACK SABBATH were at the top of the UK charts with their iconic album, "Paranoid."
And back in 1992...
We were all crying softly into our pillows along to R.E.M.'s morbidly beautiful "Automatic for the People"...
Your music news for this Tuesday...
****We told you last week about another U2 "best of" coming out in November. Well, it has a title now. Called, simply, "U218 Singles," the collection will feature a bunch of songs you probably already own, which is why they're throwing in a 10-track live bonus disc from a 2005 concert in Milan.
**** DAMON ALBARN just can't seem to sit still. As if fronting BLUR and THE GORILLAZ wasn't enough, ALBARN is now set to debut his new side project with former CLASH bassist PAUL SIMONON called THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE QUEEN. As if that wasn't cool enough, GNARLS BARKLEY mix-master DANGER MOUSE is producing. They'll release their first single on October 30th, with an album to follow in January.
**** Finally on this Tuesday, THE KILLERS, who are playing a sold out show tonight at the Roseland, should be able to spring for a few new beard trimmers now. Their new album "Sam's Town" is selling like warm lager across the Pond. In just one week, "Sam's Town" has sold nearly 270,000 copies, making it the top album in all the Kingdom. A feat it's likely to repeat here in the States once the Billboard charts are released.

ALBUM COVER WARS...

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MUSIC NEWS YOU CAN USE...FOR OCTOBER 9TH

TODAY'S BIRTHDAYS...

THE MASTER OF THE SO-CAL SOUND...JACKSON BROWNE...IS 58
THE 50-FOOT-QUEENIE HERSELF, POLLY JEAN HARVEY...IS 36
AND BORN ON THIS DAY BACK IN 1940...ONE OF THE GREATEST, MOST ICONIC SONGWRITERS EVER...AND MY FAVORITE BEATLE...JOHN LENNON

SPEAKING OF THE FAB FOUR...ON THIS DAY IN 1965..THEY STARTED A FOUR WEEK RUN AT NUMBER ONE WITH "YESTERDAY"...

AND BACK IN 1993...NIRVANA ENTERED THE ALBUM CHARTS AT NUMBER ONE WITH THEIR THIRD RECORD ......... IN UTERO...IT WOULD BE THE BAND'S LAST STUDIO ALBUM...

YOUR MUSIC NEWS FOR THIS MONDAY...

**** PORTLAND'S OWN MODEST MOUSE HAS PUSHED BACK THE RELEASE OF THEIR NEW ALBUM...
"WE WERE DEAD BEFORE THE SHIP EVEN SANK"...IT WAS DUE OUT DECEMBER 19TH...BUT WILL NOW SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY SOMETIME EARLY NEXT YEAR...

****FORMER REPLACEMENTS FRONTMAN PAUL WESTERBERG HAS ENDORSED A GUITAR THAT WILL SOON BE ON SALE AT WAL-MART...MANUFACTURED BY "FIRST ACT"...IT FEATURES A SLIM BODY...AND PUNK ROCK PLAID PATTERN ON THE PICK GUARD...IT'S ALREADY ON SALE AT AMAZON.COM AND WILL SOON BE AVAILABLE IN WAL-MART STORES...
THE PRICE TAG? $159....IT'S CHEAP...BUT IT WORKS...KINDA LIKE THE REPLACEMENTS...

AND FINALLY...
****A GREAT BOOK...AND A PRETTY DECENT MOVIE..."HIGH FIDELITY" IS NOW BEING TURNED INTO A BROADWAY MUSICAL...
YEP..THE STAGE VERSION OF NICK HORNBY'S ODE TO ROCK AND RELATIONSHIPS... IS IN PREVIEWS NOW IN BOSTON AND WILL HIT THE GREAT WHITE WAY IN LATE NOVEMBER...
SINGING...DANCING....MUSIC GEEKS...?? SOUNDS LIKE KARAOKE NIGHT AT CHOPSTICKS...

OZ AWAITS...

I'm heading up to Seattle today to visit my cousin, so the updates are gonna be kinda sparse today. Apologies. I'll bring you back a souvenir.

I LOVE ME SOME TRAILER TRASH...

The trailer trash dolls, created by Daniel Libby, spotlight the latest in hillbilly chic.

Turleen comes barefoot and pregnant with her hair in curlers and a cigarette in her mouth. Squeeze her belly and she'll tell you "Pour me a double. I'm drinking fer two" and "Bubba Jr. get off yer sister."

Jer Wayne Junior sports all the redneck essentials like a mullet, missing teeth, NASCAR tattoo, cigarette, dirty tank top and a beer in hand. Press his chest and he'll fart and whisper sweet nothings like "Fifteen of them beers and yer still ugly" and "Honest, I'm not lying through my tooth."

The dolls sell for $33, come in a patriotic red, white and blue window display box, and make wonderful gifts for your next holiday pig roast.

MUSIC NEWS YOU CAN USE FOR THURSDAY...

TODAY'S BIRTHDAYS...

THE JOKER...STEVE MILLER...IS 63
AC/DC LEAD SCREAMER...BRIAN JOHNSON...IS 59
AND THE MAN BEHIND "LIVE AID" AND OUR UNHEALTHY DISLIKE OF MONDAYS...BOB GELDOF...IS 52

ON THIS DAY IN 1980..JOY DIVISION GOT THEIR FIRST TASTE OF SUCCESS WHEN THEIR SONG "SHE'S LOST CONTROL" WAS PICKED AS NME'S "SINGLE OF THE WEEK"...

AND 10 YEARS AGO TODAY..."BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S" BY DEEP BLUE SOMETHING WAS NUMBER ONE ON THE SINGLES CHART...

GOD...I HATED THAT SONG...

YOUR MUSIC NEWS FOR THIS TUESDAY...

**** THE CLASH WILL CELEBRATE THE 30TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE RELEASE OF THEIR FIRST SINGLE..."WHITE RIOT"...WITH A BOX SET... CALLED...SIMPLY..."THE CLASH: THE SINGLES"...IT'S GONNA OUT ON NOVEMBER 14TH AND WILL INCLUDE 19 DISCS OF SEMINAL PUNK GOODNESS...

**** ALL YOU DAVE MATTHEWS HATERS OUT THERE FINALLY HAVE AN ACTUAL REASON "NOT" TO LIKE HIM. HE'LL BE PLAYING A VILLIAN IN THE UPCOMING FILM..."LAKE CITY"...HOPEFULLY HE WON'T BE PLAYING THAT 19 MINUTE VERSION OF "TRIPPING BILLIES"...

JACK AND KATE...THE GOLDEN YEARS

So, uhm, apparently the Others live in a retirement village? Whatever.
THE SEASON PREMIERE WAS LAST NIGHT...AND I CELEBRATED WITH MY DOGS AND A FEW ADULT BEVERAGES...
OVERALL...I THINK THE EPISODE WAS OKAY. I MEAN, IT WAS MAINLY JUST GREAT TO HAVE KATE AND SAWYER AND JACK BACK IN MY LIFE...AND THERE WAS THE STANDARD "LOST" JAW-DROPPING OPENING SEQUENCE...
THIS TIME WE LEARNED THAT THOSE FOLKS WE KNOW AS "THE OTHERS"...LIVE NOT IN THE HUTS AND CAVES AND HATCHES WE THOUGHT...BUT IN SOME SHADY ACRES TYPE HAWAIIAN RETIREMENT VILLA...
THAT WAS NICE...
BUT IF YOU'RE LIKE ME...WHILE I APPRECIATE THE BACKSTORIES...I'M "MUCH" MORE INTERESTED IN ALL THE CURRENT STORYLINES...WHY ARE THEY ON THE ISLAND? etc?...YOU KNOW...LESS FLASHBACK AND MORE MOVING FORWARD...
AND APPARENTLY I WASN'T THE ONLY ONE WHO NOTICED THE TALKING HEADS REFERENCE...

DEATH CAB FOR SALE...GET YOUR RED, HOT EMO

Ever wondered how much money you'd have to pony up to get Hootie and the Blowfish to play your kegger? Of course not. But you probably HAVE pondered getting Death Cab to perform for you knitting circle, right?
Well, with this handy link...the mystery is finally solved. 75K. wow.
HERE'S THE LINK: www.clearchannelcollegeentertainment.com

TODAY'S REASON TO WISH FOR THE IMPENDING APOCALYPSE...

THIS is hot?!? Nope. Not buying it. Try HOOTchie.

...What happened? Well, apparently he's gotten fat. And gone broke. Which is why he and the equally delusional OTHER Corey (that'd be Feldman), are reuniting for another failed cash grab...this time in the form of a reality show on A&E. It's called "The Coreys: Return of the Lost Boys." Of course, Feldman want us all to know that t known that he's "worked consistently as an actor in Hollywood for 32 years. The statement that he is returning to acting is simply ridiculous."
Dude. "Creeping Through the Backdoor, Vol. 35" doesn't count.

Super, man

It's The Man of Steel versus...The Man! For Action Comics: Last Son — in which Supes goes all Mother Hen after the Feds discover a new Kryptonian boy on Earth — the folks at DC Comics have recruited Richard Donner, director of 1978's Superman, to join forces with writer/onetime Donner assistant Geoff Johns and artist Adam Kubert. ''We brought [Superman] into what’s going on in the world today,'' says Donner, hinting at the comic's waft of government skepticism. ''We’re all involved in the world today, and issues that permeate our minds maybe poke their little noses up once in a while.''
For more info, go to EW.com.

MUSIC NEWS YOU CAN USE...

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 4TH...
TODAY'S BIRTHDAYS...
JUST ONE FOR YOU, ACTUALLY...CHRIS LOWE...KEYBOARDIST FOR THE PET SHOP BOYS...IS 47

* ON THIS DAY IN 1965...JOHNNY CASH WAS BUSTED FOR SMUGGLING SPEED ACROSS THE MEXICAN BORDER...
* BACK IN 1975.."THE" PINK FLOYD WAS ON TOP OF THE CHARTS WITH "WISH YOU WERE HERE"...
* AND IN 1982...A LITTLE BAND CALLED THE SMITHS MADE THEIR LIVE DEBUT AT THE RITZ IN MANCHESTER, ENGLAND...

YOUR MUSIC NEWS FOR THIS TUESDAY...
*HIP HOP RULES THE ALBUM CHARTS THIS WEEK...LUDACRIS IS AT THE TOP WITH THIS THIRD NUMBER ONE RECORD..."RELEASE THERAPY"...JANET JACKSON'S "20 Y.O." IS NUMBER TWO...TONY BENNET IS AT NUMBER THREE WITH AN ALBUM OF DUETS...ALAN JACKSON, HIS MULLET, AND HIS COWBOY HAT CLOG UP THE FOURTH POSITION...AND JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE'S "FUTURESEX/LOVESOUNDS" ROUNDS OUT THE TOP 5...

* IF YOU'RE WONDERING WHAT THE LOVELY LADIES IN SLEATER KINNEY WILL DO NOW THAT THE GROUP IS "NO MORE"....WELL, WE CAN FINALLY ANSWER FOR AT LEAST ONE MEMBER OF THE DEARLY DEPARTED BAND.
THE PORTLAND MERCURY REPORTS THAT DRUMMER JANET WEISS WILL BE MANNING THE SKINS FOR EX-PAVEMENT GUY....STEPHEN MALKMUS'S BAND...THE JICKS...ON A FULL-TIME BASIS.

* SPEAKING OF LOCAL ROCK HEROES...
IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR AN EXCUSE TO GO OUT TONIGHT...THERE'S SOME GOOD MUSIC OUT THERE...
GUSTER AND NADA SURF BRING THEIR LITERATE...SOFT HEARTED...INDIE ROCK TO THE CRYSTAL BALLROOM...
THE SCISSOR SISTERS ARE FLYING THE RAINBOW COLORED FLAG OF GLITTERY DANCE-POP OVER AT THE ROSELAND...
AND A BAND THAT REALLY IMPRESSED ME WHEN I SAW THEM PLAY MUSICFEST A FEW MONTHS BACK...THE SHAKY HANDS...WILL UNLEASH THEIR JITTERY INDIE ROCK ON THE CROWD OVER AT THE DOUG FIR...

Music News You Can Use...For October 3rd

TODAY'S BIRTHDAYS...
* BRAND NEW MOMMA...GWEN STEFANI...IS 37...
* THE DRIVING FORCE OF FLEETWOOD MAC'S "CLASSIC" PERIOD...LINDSEY BUCKINGHAM...IS 59...
* AND IF YOU'RE WALKING AROUND WITH A NAGGING SOCIAL DISEASE...YOU CAN PROBABLY THINK TODAY'S OTHER BIRTHDAY BOY....MISTER TOMMY LEE, WHO TURNS 44 TODAY. FUNNY, THOUGH, HE DOESN'T ACT A DAY OVER 13...

ON THIS DAY BACK IN 1945...THE KING, ELVIS PRESLEY, MADE HIS FIRST PUBLIC APPEARANCE AT A TALENT SHOW AT THE MISSISSIPPI/ALABAMA DAIRY SHOW. HE SANG "OLD SHEP" AND WON A RED RIBBON FOR TAKING SECOND PLACE. SEEMS LIKE HE MANAGED TO OVERCOME THE DISAPPOINTMENT.

YOUR MUSIC NEWS FOR THIS TUESDAY...
**** DON'T EXPECT NEW TUNES FROM COLDPLAY ANY TIME SOON. FRONTMAN CHRIS MARTIN WAS RECENTLY QUOTED AS SAYING..."IT'S GOING TO BE A LONG, LONG TIME BEFORE YOU HEAR A NEW ALBUM FROM US. IF IT TAKES FIVE YEARS...THEN SO BE IT."

**** ONE BAND YOU "CAN" EXPECT NEW MATERIAL FROM IS COLDPLAY'S LONG-IN-THE-TOOTH PREDECESSOR, U2. BONO AND THE BOYS ARE RELEASING A NEW "BEST OF" ON NOVEMBER 20TH. 16 TRACKS WHICH WILL INCLUDE THEIR COLLABORATION WITH GREEN DAY, AS WELL AS ONE NEW RICK-RUBIN PRODUCED TRACK...

**** LOCAL HEROES THE DECEMBERISTS, WILL CELEBRATE THE RELEASE OF THEIR MAJOR LABEL DEBUT, THE CRANE WIFE, BY APPEARING ON THE CONAN O'BRIEN SHOW TONIGHT...

**** AND FINALLY, WITH ALL THE CRAZY, MIXED UP THINGS GOING ON IN THE WORLD, IT'S EASY TO FEEL CONFUSED. UP IS DOWN, BLACK IS WHITE, WRONG IT RIGHT...SO IT'S NICE TO HEAR NEWS YOU CAN ABSOLUTELY COUNT ON.
LIKE THIS: BOBBY BROWN ...HAS BEEN ARRESTED. ...AGAIN.

AHHHHHH....I FEEL MORE CENTERED ALREADY...

I beseech thee, buy the Cold War Kids new album...

The best new band I've heard in a long time. They were playing sold-out residencies in New York before I left, now their first full length comes out today. They were supposed to play Portland with the Futureheads, but that tour got cancelled. So instead you get a nifty video for "Hang Me Up to Dry" and an MP3 of "Hospital Beds." And another round of pleading...buy this one. It's great.
www.coldwarkids.com/mp3s/03%20Hospital%20Beds.mp3 (you may have to cut and paste it!)

I HATE this...

...sorry Marli.

I LOVE this...

...sorry Greg.

Ganesh? Michael Jackson. Michael? Meet Ganesh.

...seriously? There are no words. Just click. But only after you've put the snot guard up on your screen.

The Killers and their new mustaches...

Lots of great new releases today...Beck, Cold War Kids, TV On the Radio, Portland's own Decemberists...but the biggest release of the week in the rock world is, without a doubt, those pop-rocking kids from Sin City Las Vegas...The Killers.
Perhaps you've heard of them?
But this isn't your kid sister's version of the Killers. You know the one from the wall posters that got by on good looks and sass. Nope, this time around the keyboards sound more Elvis Costello than Duran Duran...the eyeliner has been replaced by beards and mustaches...the white belts and oh-so-precious fashions have been replaced with...oh wait...they're still there?
Okay.
But still, suffice to say, this is a more contemplative, more serious Killers. And in my opinion, it's a superior version of the Killers.
There's a yearning in their new music. A need to flee. To escape some overarching sense of isolation. And it makes for an album that's, frankly, if not better than their debut...at least much more interesting.
Named after one of Vegas' decaying, all-but-forgotten casinos, Sam's Town is definitely a departure. Less style, more substance, an urge to put the posturing aside and lose themselvs in some abject soul searching and (and this is important) rocking out. Thank god, too.
But you've read the early reviews. And many have NOT been kind. "Derevative," they bellow. "Cliched," they moan. "Sophomore slump," they say. That's what the hip kids are saying...but LET'S MAKE THIS PERFECTLY CLEAR: Liking the Killers is not about being cool. It's about appreciating a well written pop song. And seriously, if you don't already have "When We Were Young" welded into your brain, well, you're just not paying attention.
To be sure, we've given Mr. Brandon Flowers—he of the Colonel Sanders pinache—a hard time about some of his lyrics. And there are some well tread lyical roads on Sam's Town. Lines about "running with the devil," or "running for the Hills" following "headlights on the highway." We've heard it before. And yes, the Springsteen circa-Thunder Road comparisons are valid (ask my Alternative Mornings compadre, Greg). But where Hot Fuss was 60-minutes of sexual smirking, Sam's Town actually has feelings that extend beyond a warm sensation in the crotch.
I want to believe that with all the attention and pressure thrust upon the band after the hard-earned success of their debut (seriously, that album took awhile to take off. Payola is tough these days), they've grown up and are trying to reach for some musical higher ground.
And I think this album backs that theory up. "When We Were Young" is a great statement of intent for the rest of the disc. Fast moving, epic, intense, a mad rush to some shining light on the horizon. But it's not even the best song here. That would be "Uncle Jonny"...or "This River Is Wild"...or the title track. Honestly, I can't decide.
In the end, if Hot Fuss was a 10-million watt neon sign of glitzy pop goodnesss, Sam's Town is a single bonfire illuminating an empty, pitch black sky. Two differnt states of mind. Two ever-battling ids. Light and dark, gaudy and gritty, smug and reverential.
It's a dichotomy, sure. But honestly...isn't that what being from Las Vegas is all about?

TODAY'S REASON TO WISH FOR THE IMPENDING APOCALYPSE...

...
These guys are millionaires. These guys date (and sometimes even get engaged to, however briefly) B-list bimbos. These guys keep getting second chances. These guys have actual "fans." Apparently, these guys now also have their own reality television show. Yes, ladies and gentlemen. Aaron and Nick Carter. The first (but certainly not the last) reason I'm on my knees right now praying that the four horsemen gallop down from the heavens on their nuclear powered steeds and reign hellfire and damnation onto our suffering little planet. Either that, or I guess I could just turn the channel.

We blog. Therefore we are...Lame.

Greetings and welcome to Bart947...the latest and (far from) greatest extension of Alternative Mornings on the Internet. That's me down there, Bart Blasengame...news and entertainment corrrespondent for Portland, Oregon's 94.7 FM. I work the morning shift with Greg Glover and Producer Brian (Prod Bri to you and me), dealing in news and nonsense and trying to make you early risers out there know you're not suffering in vain.

The goal with this blog is to offer more news, entertainment, and pop culture goodies than is possible during our three hour run in the mornings. I'll be posting links, and diving deeper into stories, and mainly just having a little fun. Usually at the expense of others.

Consider this an experiment. I'm serious. I'm begging you. Who knows where this is going from here? I don't, so feel free to jerk the steering wheel any way you like. Fire back. Fire often. Just fire, and let us know you're out there.

Greg, Brian, and I will be there for you every morning from 6-9. Feeling your pain. Ouch.